Brittany's Guide to Getting the Girl and to Being a Unicorn
by Keywi
Summary: Brittany knows she and Santana are meant to be together. Now she's got one last summer road trip with Santana to prove her love. But Brittany's not worried: she's got her very own book to help her—Brittany's Guide to Getting the Girl, Being a Unicorn, and Believing in Your Own Magic. AU Brittana.


**Author's Note:** This is an AU mostly involving Brittany and Santana. However other characters from the show will be making appearances. Which ones? That is a surprise! Oh my goodness, excitement! This story is also unbeta'd, so if there's any mistakes, they're all mine. But I've proofread this thing like 9,867,643,432,176 times so...fingers-crossed there's no mistakes. **  
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Please let me know what you think, constructive criticism, or if I should continue.

As always, thanks for reading.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Glee, I would never take responsibility for that shitstorm.**  
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And since this site cut me off, the _full_/_actual_ title is below.

* * *

**Brittany's Guide to Getting the Girl, Being a Unicorn, and Believing in Your Own Magic**

* * *

**Chapter One**

* * *

Brittany Pierce loves Santana Lopez.

It was a simple fact, really. Just as it was a fact that the ocean is wet and fire burns things and cats aren't waterproof.

It was just the plain truth—Brittany Pierce loves Santana Lopez.

She had loved her since they had first met back on the first day of junior high while trying out for the cheerleading team with the same goal in mind: to join the Cheerios. The Cheerios was the national champion cheerleading squad from William McKinley High School. Anyone on the Cheerios was basically a celebrity in their small town of Lima, Ohio. And any talented girl who was a member of the junior high cheerleading squad was practically guaranteed a spot in the infamous Cheerios.

It was right after tryouts were finished and Brittany was getting a drink to cool off after working out in the hot sun. Santana had smiled at her and said that she liked Brittany's Hello Kitty water bottle, to which Brittany replied that she liked Santana's Hello Kitty t-shirt. Santana then gave Brittany her phone number and Brittany gave Santana her heart in exchange. They had been the best of friends and nearly inseparable ever since.

Santana was there for Brittany when her first cat Charity died. Brittany was there for Santana when Santana's grandmother's insults would leave her in tears. Santana was there for Brittany when Brittany's parents divorced and Brittany was there for Santana when Santana realized she was gay.

They were always there for each other.

They were always together.

But that was the problem: they weren't _together_. It was strange too, Brittany would often think. Santana was gay and Brittany found people attractive—she never really held gender against anyone—so it wasn't like she had some hopeless crush on her best friend. Yet, they weren't dating; had never dated one another.

And it sucked, since Brittany was over the moon for Santana.

And it sucked even more when Brittany knew she could just tell Santana how she felt.

But she didn't.

Perhaps it was her tendency to shrink away from any kind of confrontation or her tendency to keep quiet about certain things, but Brittany never breathed a word of her feelings for Santana.

At least, aloud she never did.

On paper, however, she spoke volumes.

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the graduating class of 2012," announced Principal Figgins.

Brittany tossed her cap into the air with the other graduates of William McKinley High School, her heart soaring with it high into the early June sky. It seemed just like yesterday that she was attending her first Cheerios practice with Santana, being yelled at by Coach Sue, and now, here she was—a high school graduate clutching her diploma.

She felt like anything was possible.

The ceremony concluded and the graduates dispersed to find their families and show them that nifty sheet of paper they had acquired from four years of hard work.

Brittany took a few steps away from the crowd, running a hand through her now mussed blonde hair. She was scanning the crowd for her own family when she heard her mother's voice behind her.

"Oh, sweetie, we're so proud of you!" her mother said as she wrapped Brittany up in a bone-crushing hug.

Her father preferred to pat Brittany on the back. "Congratulations, Britt," he grinned warmly, "You earned it."

"Thanks, Mom, Dad," Brittany replied bashfully, adjusting her red graduation gown when her mother finally released her from her clutches.

"So, does this mean you're going to college now?" asked her nine-year old sister.

"Yeah…" answered Brittany, really not wanting to discuss college, "But, like, in the fall. Not now."

"Can I have your room then?" her sister persisted.

Brittany shook her head. "Sorry, I already promised it to Lord Tubbington."

"That's not fair—cats can't have their own rooms!"

Brittany shrugged, easily hiding her amusement. "Well, Lord Tubbington called dibs first."

Her sister grew more frustrated. "But—"

"We ought to be getting home," interrupted her mother, "Special family dinner tonight in honor of Britt's special day."

"I'm grilling steak," her father flashed a charming smile.

"Like in all-of-us-together kind of family dinner?" Brittany asked. It was rare for them to have dinner together. The last time she had shared a meal with both her parents was at her sister's last birthday party six months ago.

Her dad's smile faded slightly. "Your mother and I can put aside our differences long enough to celebrate our daughter's achievement together."

"That sounds great but," Brittany said slowly, "Can we have it later…or, like, tomorrow? Because I promised Santana I'd go over to her house after the ceremony."

Her mother sighed. "Fine, but be back before dark—I want to celebrate my daughter's graduation _with_ my graduating daughter."

Brittany didn't need to be told twice. She beamed and hugged her parents quickly before bouncing away. "Thanks, I love you both! I'll see you tonight!" she called over her shoulder.

She searched the throng of people again, looking for her best friend.

There she was with her parents. Brittany would recognize Santana anywhere, even in a red sea of caps and silk gowns, Brittany could find Santana. It was easy really: all she had to do was look for the prettiest girl.

Still smiling wildly, Brittany skipped over toward the Lopez family and tackled Santana in a hug from behind.

Santana let out a startled yelp. "Brittany!" She let out an airy laugh and glanced back at Brittany. "You're like a ninja-hugger."

Brittany grinned, "It's a gift."

Santana brushed some of her luscious black hair—shining a beautiful deep brown in the sunlight—away from her full lips. "So, are you able to hang out?" she asked.

Brittany caught herself staring into Santana's dark eyes too long again. Santana's eyes were like black holes: they sucked you in, but, like, not in a light-destroying way. No, Santana's eyes reflected light perfectly. They were perfect.

Brittany shook her head and mentally slapped herself out of her daydream. "Oh, yeah…um—yeah!" she replied smoothly.

Santana's smile was contagious and Brittany couldn't help but mirror her friend's delighted look.

Santana's father glanced at his watch. "Well, let's head home then; I need to get back to work anyway."

Santana's mother responded by rolling her eyes, irritated, and Brittany guessed that was where Santana had gotten that trait.

Brittany exchanged a glance with Santana who merely shrugged in practiced indifference and followed her parents to their car.

* * *

Back at the Lopez house, in Santana's room, Brittany and Santana sat together on her large bed. Mr. Lopez—the _doctor_—hadn't even left the car when he dropped them off at the house claiming that St. Rita's couldn't function properly without their surgeon-in-chief. Mrs. Lopez, on the other hand, offered the girls a quick congratulations before heading into the kitchen to make a "smoothie."

If Santana was bothered by her parents' behavior—which Brittany knew she was—she didn't show it. Instead, she popped in their traditional end-of-the-school-year video into the old VCR before snuggling close to Brittany under the blanket. Sometimes, Brittany wondered if Santana could hear how fast Brittany's heart would beat when they cuddled like this.

Max was just changing the route marked on the map from Idaho to LA when Santana interrupted their peaceful silence.

"We should do something this summer, like, something big."

Brittany furrowed her brow. "Like _Phineas and Ferb_ big or like setting up a tent in your backyard and calling it 'camping' big?" she asked.

"Hey, don't be dissing Camp Santana," her friend countered, smirking.

"It wasn't a _real_ camp, you know," Brittany argued playfully, "Real summer camps are by lakes."

Santana looked affronted now. "Do you not remember Lake Brittany?"

"Lake Brittany was nothing more than my sister's wading pool," snickered Brittany, "Besides, it was kind of creepy having the body of that Barbie you murdered floating around in there."

"She knew too much," was all Santana offered.

Their good-natured argument lulled and the two continued to watch the movie in silence. It wasn't until Goofy and Max started to sing about their feelings as the poor car floated down the river when Santana spoke again.

"But to answer your question, like _Phineas and Ferb_ big," said Santana with a wave of her hand as if trying to show just how big. "It's our last summer together like this probably. We should make the most of it, right?"

Brittany didn't want to think about that, but she had to agree that they should make this summer memorable. But how?

"Any ideas?"

Santana's previous determination deflated somewhat. "No, not really."

They descended into silence and continued watching the movie. Powerline had just started doing the perfect cast with Goofy when Santana had an idea.

"What about a road trip?"

Road trips were always fun. Just the open road with her and her best friend—the same best friend whom she just happened to be smitten with? Brittany liked that idea. Besides, she had always been attracted that vagabond lifestyle—unlike her mother who was hobophobic. But Brittany couldn't blame her when Patches, that homeless guy who hung around the library, barked at her every day.

"That would cool," said Brittany, "Where to?"

Santana smirked and licked her lips a little. "Oh, I have an idea," she replied finally.

She said nothing more about it, leaving Brittany to wonder what Santana had in mind for them.

* * *

Brittany awoke to the sound of her cell phone ringing. Bleary eyed and confused, she fumbled around until she was able to grab the little device, but not before she dropped it and fell half out of bed herself. Looking something like a drunken Raggedy Ann doll strung over looking for her lost contact lens, she floundered for her phone. She blinked as her eyes adjusted to its bright screen.

It was Santana calling. Brittany glanced at the bedside clock. It was barely past six in the morning. Either someone died or her house must be on fire because Santana never got up this early if she could help it.

Brittany answered the phone as quickly as her sleep-addled brain allowed her. "Hello?"

She was met with a shrill scream.

Brittany fell the rest of the way out of bed, the blankets and quilt toppling over her.

She was now very awake.

"Oh my God, Santana!" she cried into the phone, "What's wrong? What happened? Are you hurt? Did Kim Kardashian die?" Brittany's mind raced through so many scenarios that would make Santana scream like that.

"Santana?"

"I'm not okay, Britt! I can't believe this is happening!"

"What? What's happening?" Brittany all but begged for Santana to elaborate.

"We're going to see _her_, Britt! We're going to be in the same space as she is and breathe the same air and bear witness to her goddamn perfection!" Santana punctuated her rambling with another piercing scream.

"Who, Santana? Who?" Brittany asked, frustrated by not understanding.

Brittany could practically hear Santana's smile from over the phone. "Oh, only the most flawless human being ever. The girl whose voice is liquid seduction, whose legs are the eighth wonder of the world. The most talented girl in all the land: Sunshine Corazon!"

Oh.

Sunshine Corazon was the biggest pop star since Miley Cyrus put on a blonde wig and became Hannah Montana. She was an amazingly talented singer and actress. She held two Grammies, an Emmy, and a Nickelodeon Teens Choice Award. She was the star of her own musical comedy show on the Disney Channel, played the leading lady in two major motion pictures, and had two solo albums not affiliated with her television show.

Despite how short Sunshine Corazon was, she was a pretty big deal.

Don't get Brittany wrong here—she loved Sunshine Corazon too, she really did. She and Santana had both grown up with the singer-actress. There had been many Saturday night slumber parties that involved the two of them watching as many episodes of Sunshine's TV show, _Plentiful Sunshine_, as humanly possible before dawn. Not to mention all the times they had spent the afternoon together as Santana sang along to one of Sunshine's CDs while Brittany danced and provided back-up vocals.

It's just…Santana loved Sunshine Corazon more than Brittany did. In fact, if you compared their love for Sunshine Corazon side-by-side it would look as if Brittany hated the singer-actress. That actually might be slightly true, though. Because Sunshine Corazon held Santana's _corazón, _Brittany might just feel a little resentment toward the pop star.

Screw it—she was so totally jealous.

She couldn't help it. After all, Sunshine Corazon didn't even know Santana existed and yet, _somehow_, she had earned Santana's love and affection. Whereas, Brittany knew damn well that Santana existed. And what had that gotten her? Friendly smiles and friendly hugs. Brittany could sing and dance too, but where was her TV show?

Sometimes, when Brittany was feeling very upset about this, she could easily picture Santana wearing a beautiful wedding dress, standing under a huge, flowery wedding arch with a life-size cardboard cutout of Sunshine Corazon, and throwing rice at herself while Bridesmaid Brittany stood off to the side, dejected and rejected.

"You there? Britt-Britt?"

Santana's voice broke Brittany from her waking nightmare. Brittany shook her head and nodded. After realizing her friend couldn't see her, she replied quickly, "Yeah, yeah sorry…I'm just super surprised. How are we going to see Sunshine?"

"Guess who got up early and scored us two tickets to see the _Fatal Glory_ premiere in LA," Santana boasted.

"Isn't that that new movie she's in?" Brittany double-checked.

"That's right, Britt," Santana confirmed, "The one that she stars in her first super serious, truly adult role as a sexy femme fatale in this action-thriller that features guns, girls, and great men's fashions." She paused before adding conspiratorially, "The one she's also rumored to have a topless scene in…"

As Santana's voice drifted off, Brittany pulled the pile of blankets off herself and sat down on her bed. Once she was situated, she said hesitantly, "That must have cost a fortune."

"Nah, no more than two ordinary movie tickets really." Brittany pictured Santana waving her hand in dismissal.

Brittany was growing confused again. "But I thought you said…?"

"Oh, our tickets aren't to the _actual_ red carpet premiere—you'd have to be, like, a celebrity or worked on the movie to get tickets for that," her friend explained, "Which, sadly, is neither of us, so…"

"Okay?"

"I gots us tickets to the general release at midnight in LA." Santana continued, "_But_, you don't need tickets to go to the red carpet premiere if you just want to see the stars—that's totally free…"

Brittany was starting to see where Santana was going with this. "Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?" she asked her. A smile was slowly growing across Brittany's face.

"Oh yes, I'm thinking that we go to the red carpet premiere and see Sunshine in person," she replied, her grin audible in her voice.

"That would be so awesome!" Brittany 's own excitement began to overshadow her resentment toward Sunshine Corazon.

"I know, right? I'm glad you like the idea. I bet Sunshine's even more gorgeous in person." Brittany heard Santana yawn into the phone. "I'm sorry, Britt, I've been up all night looking into this."

"It's okay, go get some sleep. I'll come over later and we can talk about this more."

"Okay, okay. Good night, Britt-Britt."

"Good morning, Santana."

The two hung up and Brittany put down her phone. She resituated herself into her bed and tried to get back to sleep.

But she couldn't sleep. She couldn't stop thinking. She couldn't stop thinking about how they were going to see Sunshine Corazon in person—which was definitely awesome—but what if that just made Santana's crush on Sunshine even stronger?

Or worse!

What if Sunshine takes one look at Santana and it's love at first sight and Brittany's nightmare about being a bridesmaid at their wedding comes true?

The logical part of Brittany's brain told her that this was unlikely. But she still had her doubts; Brittany found it hard to believe that anyone could take one look at Santana and not fall instantly in love with her.

Lord Tubbington waddled into the room and hopped onto the bed, shaking Brittany out of her thoughts. She pulled the hefty cat onto her lap and stroked his soft fur. She had gotten Lord Tubbington shortly after Charity had lost her ninth life. Santana had gone with Brittany's family to the animal shelter to help pick out the newest Pierce. Brittany smiled as she pet Lord Tubbington, remembering how Santana had pointed him out saying that he ought to be with the dogs since he was too big to be a cat. But Brittany had loved him immediately.

She wondered if everyone could just take one look at someone and simply _know_ that they would love that someone forever.

Lord Tubbington wiggled in her grasp. Brittany held him closer, not ready to let him go yet.

"Lord Tubbington, do you think Santana could ever love me back?" she asked the tabby cat.

He replied by grunting and squirming harder against her. Despite his protests, she hugged him tighter and rested her head on his.

"I'm a coward, Lord Tubbington," Brittany informed the cat.

Lord Tubbington whined.

"Don't deny it, Lord Tubbington. I _am_ a coward. I'm a coward because I've been in love with Santana since forever and I still haven't told her and soon we'll both being going to college and maybe never see each other again or we'll drift apart until we just stop talking to each other."

Brittany snuggled Lord Tubbington closer. He swished his tail in frustration but stopped wriggling.

"I don't want that to happen to us." Brittany placed a kiss on top of the tabby cat's head. "But I'm too scared to tell Santana how I feel. What if she doesn't love me back? She's so smitten with Sunshine Corazon that she probably doesn't notice anyone else."

Lord Tubbington finally wrenched himself free from Brittany's grip and trotted out the door, his belly swaying rhythmically like a pendulum. Brittany watched the door forlornly for moment before lying down and trying to go back to bed.

She didn't get any sleep.

* * *

"So, our tickets will be here in a day or two," said Santana as she took another bite of her sandwich.

She and Brittany sat at the Lopez's kitchen table eating a late lunch. Mrs. Lopez had soon joined them, offering them milk and a package of cookies. The women appeared to be in a much better mood than the day before.

"Since the premiere is still a couple weeks away, I was thinking we could take our time getting there," Santana continued. "You know, do all that touristy crap that you're supposed to do on road trips."

Brittany's excitement for the trip was back now that they were discussing it, letting her forget her previous worries. "We should totally go to a truck stop diner," she suggested with a smirk, "We can see if you can't out-sass the waitresses."

Rolling her eyes, Santana scoffed, "Please, I can out-sass anyone anytime."

"Why do I have a bad feeling you girls are going to be getting into a lot of trouble?" said Mrs. Lopez. Her smile told them that this was a joke, but her eyes gave away a tinge of fear.

"Oh, don't worry, Mom, we'll be fine," said Santana a bit harshly. Then seeming to regret her tone, she added more softly, "Really, we'll be okay."

Brittany nodded. "I'll be sure to keep your daughter safe, Mrs. Lopez."

She would take a bullet for Santana.

"I told you, Brittany, it's Maribel, please," Santana's mother smiled.

Brittany replied with a sheepish grin and a shrug. "And I told you, I don't think I can do that, Mrs. Lopez."

The woman continued, "I trust you to keep Santana safe—what I'm afraid is getting a call from some Los Angeles prison because Santana kidnapped that Sunshine Corazon girl."

_"Mami!"_

"I'm just saying, mija, if you do kidnap her, bring her home please. I'd like to see my daughter get married. Besides, your father has a perfectly good rifle we could use at the ceremony. We haven't had a good shotgun wedding since your cousin Tito got married."

Brittany laughed as Santana blushed and covered her face with her hands in embarrassment.

But a part of Brittany cried.

* * *

The rest of the afternoon passed uneventfully. The two girls spent the majority of it at Santana's computer, researching important information, like the location of the largest ball of twine in the continental United States.

Dusky evening light filtered through the curtained window of Brittany's bedroom. Brittany stood staring at her open suitcase, a frown firmly planted on her face and her head tilted slightly. The suitcase sat on the bed, completely empty except for Lord Tubbington. The cat had quickly claimed it as his newest bed.

Brittany hated packing. She always had. It was her least favorite part of every family vacation, trip, and summer camp. She could never really figure out why she hated packing so much. She sometimes guessed it was because it involved picking favorites. It was too much like picking teams as kids at recess. Whoever got picked last or even not all always got their feelings hurt. It's not like Brittany actually believed her clothes had feelings, but...How many times had she seen _Beauty and the Beast_ and thought, _what if?_

She shook her head and threw open her closet. Might as well get the hard part out of the way first, she decided. She took down some of her favorite outfits and tossed them haphazardly over her shoulder and into the suitcase.

From his new bed, Lord Tubbington grunted as a skirt fell onto his head. He vacated the suitcase as if he were escaping a missile strike and fell off the bed with a _thunk_. The cat shook himself and coolly padded over to Brittany's feet and sat down.

Brittany stood, arms crossed, as she stared at her closet. Clothes were falling off their hangers and some even pooled on the floor like puddles. A few of her hats had fallen from the shelf that was above the rod and onto the floor and a couple stuck to the clothes that still hung on their hangers. It was a mess of colors and patterns since Brittany liked to dabble in all styles of fashion.

But what she couldn't find was her favorite hat, the fuzzy deerstalker hat that her father got her not long before the divorce. Sure, she got to see him often enough still even with him living the next county, but she was close with him.

As Brittany dug through her disaster zone closet, flinging clothing and old toys she couldn't part with but didn't want seen, she heard something shift on the shelf. Looking up, she noticed a shoe box tipping and made a frantic attempt to reach up and stop it.

But it was too late. The box tipped over the edge and fell to the floor with a lovely crash that sent Lord Tubbington fleeing from the room. Brittany scrambled to collect the scattered contents, smiling absently as she noticed the trinkets. Ticket stubs, pieces of old Halloween costumes, several photos, a couple of letters, and other assorted items were now littered around Brittany's legs.

It was Brittany's Santana box. Filled with varied little keepsakes, the Santana box was a place for Brittany to store all her mementos from all the little things she and Santana did together. You know, as best friends…as best friends who totally weren't dating…even though they totally should. It was sort of a shrine-in-a-box to their relationship…their totally none-romantic relationship.

Santana had a similar thing in her closet for Sunshine Corazon. Posters and magazine clip-outs of the celebrity acted as a wallpaper behind all Santana's clothes. On the floor, there were a few stacks of magazines that held articles of the acclaimed singer-actress as well as an authentic Sunshine Corazon doll from when Disney thought it would be a great idea to mass produce her image so fans could own their own little piece of Sunshine. Santana soon banished the doll to her closet shrine because she couldn't stand its staring at her when she got dressed.

Sighing, Brittany put the recollected box back where it belonged and wondered if Santana had a Brittany box.

"No, Santana probably wouldn't do that," Brittany shook her head, letting out another sigh.

Santana Lopez loved Sunshine Corazon and not Brittany Pierce.

Something large caught Brittany's eye. It was a half-open school notebook that must have fallen with the Santana box. Brittany grabbed it and studied it. Its teal cover was worn and covered in stickers and girly doodles of flowers and hearts and cartoon cats and unicorns. When she read what was inside the three-subject notebook, she smiled with nostalgia.

* * *

If there was one thing in this life that Brittany was sure of it was this: Brittany Pierce loved Santana Lopez but Santana Lopez loved Sunshine Corazon and not Brittany Pierce.

But, maybe…Brittany could change that?


End file.
